1. Given the choice of anyone, who would you want as a dinner guest? I would want to have dinner with my Dad’s Dad. I never got to know him because he died when I was young. Listening to stories that my father told me about him make him sound like an impressive man to talk to.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? I would like to be known for being a great leader. Someone who changed the lives of many and was known for someone who took care of people.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? Yes and no. When making a work call, I like to think about it so that I can have a game plan and an end in mind. If its a personal call, or a heated one, I just dial. Get over the fear of calling, and just go with what I am wanting to talk about.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? A perfect day is waking up later than usual. Laying in bed with my significant other laying on my back with her arm around me. We wake up together and just lay there. Get up have breakfast in our PJs, and watch the rain/snow come in as we just relax. Sitting on the couch in each other’s embrace. We finally get moving when the kids are up and we go play with them. I want to see the smile on their face when they get to play with snowballs and play in it. That is my vision of a perfect day.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I sing to myself daily in the truck on the way to and from work. Usually when I’m in a highly emotional state. It’s a way for me to channel some of the crap on my brain out and in front of me to work. I last sang to someone when I was in the car with my then girlfriend and Michael Buble was on and I was belting it out being an ass until she laughed and turned it off.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? Without a doubt, I would want my brain. The body will fail you gradually in life, and your brain is what controls it all. If I could keep all the great memories, and joys that I have seen and will see in my life. Those are the things that I would want to hold on to. Beauty will fade, intelligence is forever.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? Not really. If my clumsiness doesn’t kill me 1st I would think it would be natural. A long long time from now. I would never want to know because I would be the type of person that would obsess about it.
8. Name three things you and your best friend have in common. We are both strong headed and can be very stubborn. Both of us have a great love for our kids and want the best for them. We both cannot handle being idle for too long. We have to have some kind of stimulus. NO down time really. (about Nick on this one)
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? I feel grateful for my son, family, and my friends that care about me. I have had many “things” in my life, and none of them mean anything to me the way that people do. The world could burn down around me, and I would only be worried about the people I hold closest. It makes me scared to death to lose them and has brought some heavy rain to my face thinking about it. I have gone through a season of loss lately and has left me feeling more vulnerable.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? NO, not really. I think my parents did a pretty good job. I don’t have too much “wrong” with me that I didn’t self inflict. I would say that they did a good job. Especially if you compare me to my sister lol. Kidding Jodi. Love you.
11. Take four minutes and tell your life story in as much detail as possible. I was raised in California in a middle-class family with a mom, dad, and sister. We always had the things that we wanted or needed. As a kid, I grew up in a small town where I was allowed to do just about whatever I wanted because there wasn’t the fear of being kidnapped, or hurt. I was always exploring. Playing in the desert, hanging with Eddie at his dad’s welding shop, or going to the local car guys’ shop. We moved to Ohio when I was ten because my dad got a job for a big company that sent him overseas. That kept him away for a majority of the 3 years we were there. This is where I found out that my mom had a bad drinking problem, and learned a lot of the resilience and understanding that I have now. I blamed her back then for so much that wasn’t fair. I could never fathom the pressures she was facing being essentially a single mother of 2 asshole kids. Fast forward to Tucson where I saw my family just being together for photo sake. I was always doing something like playing football, being at Cavin’s house, exploring the desert, or eventually working. My sister was rebellious and always seemed to push my dad to his limits. Admittedly was fun to see the calamity unfold before me, and not because of me. I learned a lot here in Tucson, and that’s why I say that I “grew up in Tucson”.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Heal the heart of those in my life that are struggling with some amazingly heavy things.
Set II – let’s get a little more in-depth
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? I would use it to show the things that have always been in contention in my life and relationships. I would shed light on how things truly worked out and happened vs what the accepted reality is. That is the hardest things is when you can never get the truth out because what the world thinks weighs against you so much. It’s eternally frustrating.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? Starting my own business. I want to be my own boss and set my own life up. There is no good reason as to why I haven’t yet. The last few months I have been honored to help a friend build a real estate company. It’s his business, but its good to be part of the original few that started it. One day I see myself actually being a part owner, so that’s pretty awesome.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? I have made it pretty far in my professional life, and I use to think that it was a big pillar to be proud of. Now that I have a family to consider I want to be a great dad. I want to be a great family man, so right now my greatest accomplishment is realizing that work isn’t everything. Money and prestige mean nothing when you don’t have a family to work for and share in the greatness.
16. What do you value most in a friendship? Honesty, and loyalty, appreciation. That is what a friend is. Its someone you should be able to trust in and have trust in you. Someone you chose to be in your life, and mutually benefit one another.
17. What is your most treasured memory? The birth of my son. Mainly it was when I walked out of the room and got to hold him for the first time. Looked down at him and his tiny baby body and knowing that I was responsible (in part…his mom had much more to do with it) for bringing life into the world. That changed me forever. It was such an awesome experience that just thinking about it brings up the same huge emotions I felt that day. The love a father has for his kid(s) is powerful.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? I would probably be more forgiving. I wouldn’t be so easy to upset knowing that in the long run this probably doesn’t matter as much as I think it does. Find grace in things. Lessons that I can start to look at now.
18. What is your most terrible memory? Seeing my dad and my mom fight one day when she was drinking, and he had been pushed too far. I have never seen that much anger released, and it taught me to control myself. I learned that day that anyone is capable of terrible things if pushed too far and that it’s in us to control it.
20. What does friendship mean to you? Friendship to me means an extension of the family. These people are the ones you chose to spend your life with. The only true no renewable resource. The days, hours, moments, and memories that you will look back on your final days are made with friends. They need to be worth it. I have a lot of acquaintances and a lot of “family”. I am constantly saying “my best friend” about multiple people because how close they are to me.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? Huge roles. I am a strong physical touch love language, so affection is my song. The simplest thing like a touch on my shoulder by my S/O can change the worst of days. And the same turn of the hand, when I go without it strikes up some pretty dark feelings of worthlessness. I guess I could say that I am pretty strongly linked to the affection in my life and the love that it comes from. I wasn’t always like that. There was a time in my life that I didn’t need anything or anyone. I wish I knew what was the catalyst for change.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner (using past experience on this one). Share a total of five items. She is a great mother. She is very set in her morals, and stand for what she believes in. She feels what others feel so she can connect, and help with things most people can’t understand. She brings people together. When she believes in someone she really puts everything out there for them.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? My childhood was pretty good. I have some good thoughts about it. As a kid, I thought my family was perfect until looking back you can see all the holes you can’t see as a kid. That is completely normal though. The media’s representation of what a family it isn’t healthy to develop real relationships. I still remember my dad and mom being very playful with one another. That’s probably why that is such a big thing to me in a relationship. To simplify it, no, I don’t think my childhood was any happier than mosts. Its all in how you perceive it. My family can be very warm and very loving and then not talk to each other for a few months. We’re weird like that. Even though sometimes there are these large gaps between us we are always there when it really needed. We can all work on being better to each other, and we will be a stronger family.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? It is getting better. My mother and I have always had a good relationship. In her past, she had struggled with addiction to drinking and was overprescribed on pain meds. She attacked me in an inebriated rage one day which caused me to not talk to her for nearly a year. I was so hurt that she wouldn’t respect me enough to stand the agreement we made together and stay clean. Not just one occasion either. It was a problem for many years. It took hitting rock bottom and nearly losing her family to pull her back to the surface. She wants to be better, so our relationship has greatly improved.
Set III – deep deep deep
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “We are both on here looking into my life, and hope you’ll do the same for yourself.” “We are both human, and have needs that we need to identify” “We are both going to leave this a better person for knowing more about another in your social circle.”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “ I wish I had someone with whom I could share my life with.”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. Since I am not doing this in a “physical partner” sense I have been looking at “my partner” as whos’ reading this. It’s important for you to know that I’m a flawed individual and will make mistakes, and I am working on being a better person for me, my family, and for the world. Unlocking the true potential. I know life needs me to be.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. I like your smile, I love your butt and love it when you hold on to my arms. (this was def directed at my ex when we were still together)
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. Once playing football my senior year of high school I was hit so hard I pooped myself and was too embarrassed to say anything so I continued to play.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? That would be shortly after my ex and I split up. I was completely wrecked and didn’t hide my tears very well. Going through some tough times, and working out the path wasn’t easy. I had my best friend Ron there, and he was a safe place where I could melt down and really get the pain out. It was helpful. By myself: I can’t remember a clear date because I have been focusing on so much positive thing lately. I would guess it was about 6 weeks ago… Well that was until I reread some of the things I wrote. Definitely brought up some emotions again. I trap a lot of emotion in the words I write. They are triggers sometimes.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. (for a good friend of mine) I love that you reached out to me to make sure I was doing okay in life when you saw that things didn’t feel the same. That meant more to me than you’ll ever know, and I love that there are people in this world that actually will make that step.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Oooff, well that’s where I get in trouble a lot. I laugh and make jokes about things that are not so inappropriate. I have actually had a girl not want to date me because I was never serious (boy if she could see me now). I approach life with a filter like that and gets me busted for being an asshole.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? I would want my son to find the messages I have left him all over the place to let him know that his dad loved him more than life, and wishes he had made different choices when he was first around. “I want you to be the greatest man the world has ever had the pleasure of knowing. Shape the landscape for better fields of growth, and always take care of your family, be a kind soul, give without expectation, love without restraint, and always be genuine. Well… I haven’t told him because he’s 2.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? There is nothing I treasure so much as to go back into a fire again to get. I don’t put too much sentimental value in things that can be destroyed. The memories of them, the feels they gave me, or the life that comes from that object are the important things…not so much the item itself.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? My sisters. She has fought through some pretty shitty health issues that life unfairly plagued her with. She would leave not only myself behind, but her 3 boys, and her fiance. Her passing scares me more than my own.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. I will have to come back to this… I don’t have a current problem…